Mood: excited
Hating: that Robbie's flight has been delayed; hopefully he'll still make it here in time for Christmas...
Loving: THE HOLIDAYS =D
Lip-syncing: Kelly Clarkson -- My Grown-Up Christmas List
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_7zRtLptyc4

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Dear Santa,

My parents and I recently discussed our Christmas wish lists. It was a short discussion, because all of us said that we have enough stuff already, and we didn't really need or want anything else. Actually, I'm going to ask my mom to mend a few loose buttons on my jacket. It would take me ages, but she's an ace with a needle and thread. That aside, I'll be happy to enjoy a week with my family and friends.

I'll be honest, Santa, my cup of Christmas cheer has seemed half empty lately. With news stories about acid being thrown on schoolgirls in Afghanistan and terrorist attacks in Mumbai, it's easy to get discouraged about the state of the world. Of course, the one in six people living on less than a dollar a day don't even make the headlines. That's not “news” - it's “still happenings”. The Walmart worker getting trampled to death by a consumerism-crazed mob*, now that's news!

(*mob: noun, some regular folks whose enthusiasm for low prices cannot be contained by silly little things like electromagnetically locked doors)

So this year, Santa, I was thinking that it'd be great to leave the sweaters and toy dump trucks in the workshop and focus on some things that will put a smile on people's faces and leave their cup of cheer overflowing! It doesn't take any money to make a positive difference: bake cookies for a neighbour; study a world map with a child; write a handwritten letter; ask someone to teach you a skill they have; even just look a homeless person in the eyes as you pass. It doesn't even need to take a lot of time!

Still feel like you should spend some money on someone anyway? One of my friends wrote a blog a few days ago (www.thethreemes.blogspot.com - December Never Felt Better!) that really got me thinking. And I agree. Try making a charitable donation in someone's honour. It'd be a phenomenal gift! There are so many organizations doing such great work. Choose your cause: Racism, Sexism, Homophobia, Heath, Environment, Poverty... the list is huge!

In fact, Santa, I discussed this idea with a friend of mine. And unlike me, he has his dream job of speaking to and inspiring people; he also has enough time to make an online wishlist and set an ambitious goal of raising $1000 from 50 donors to support my three wishes:

1.Canadian youth become engaged global citizens, committed to fighting poverty.

2.Canada's government becomes a global leader in the fight against poverty (instead of riding out a reputation of past good deeds).

3.Fair Trade products become a common consumer option for all Canadians, allowing people to support farmers from the developing world with their daily actions.

Obama's inspiring democratization of fundraising made it obvious that every donation counts. Whether it's $1, $10, $20, $100 or more, I'm asking YOU to be one of the 50 people who give the gift of opportunity. I'm kicking off the effort by donating $100 myself (Any gift of $20 or more is tax deductible).

Visit http://click.icptrack.com/icp/relay.php?r=1772106&msgid=56121&act=GG24&c=223122&admin=0&destination=http://www.giftofopportunity.ca/joel for more info on how you can help make wishes come true. And please, pass this letter on to your friends, family and colleagues. There's simply no better gift!

Thanks Santa, and have a safe and happy holiday!

Three Days No Sleeping...

Mood: exhausted and confused
Hating: that I was suddenly hit with a bout of nausea today (that has yet to diminish) accompanied by unexplained shaking...
Loving: that one of my best friends is coming home in FOUR days! Christmas is in ONE WEEK!
Currently lip-syncing: Nickelback -- Just to Get High
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=632buvuY4d4&feature=related

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I've actually been wondering about something for the past little while...

I know a lot of people. If you're thinking, "Wow, talk about prideful or what?" I promise I have a point. What I'm getting at, is that I know a lot of people, but I don't really call a lot of them friends. I've known some people since the age of 3, and grown up with a lot more, yet I only have a very small group of close friends. Although I have one or two who live around my area, most of the unfortunately have moved out and gone one with their lives. Not to say that we don't keep in touch, because we do, but...
For example, I have this one group of friends who moved out to Colorado after they graduated. They now own a tattoo/piercing shop, and are pretty successful. I just visited them this past summer to see how they were doing. Plus, the boyfriend of one of my friends called (long distance too!) to ask me to fly out so he could propose to her.

I tend to hang out with older people. I'm not really sure why, but I just find myself more comfortable around them. It's not that I don't have friends my age, it's just that I don't really spend a lot of time with them outside of school. When I'm not in my lovely education institution (please note the sarcasm), I find my time being occupied by work, volunteer responsibilities, or these older friends.
And my school friends are starting to get annoyed. They always want to go out, see a movie, grab dinner; that sort of thing. I know they've been taking my rejections in good humour, but lately they've been starting to get irritated. On top of that, they're always teasing about the fact that I hang out with older people; and more importantly (apparently) I date older guys.
"Hey, it's a senior citizen. Quick Kris, go catch your husband in the 10 minutes it takes him to cross the street!" Or something of the like.
I know they're not intentionally trying to hurt me, but sometimes it gets really annoying.

One of my best friends is coming home soon. I haven't seen him in over a year and half, and have barely gotten the chance to talk to him during the absence. With conflicting schedules and time zone differences, it's hard.
He's a weapons tech in the Navy. He's stationed in Halifax.
When he called me to tell me he would actually be able to come home for the holidays, I was ecstatic! I'm excited anytime that he's able to come home, but he's making it back in time for Christmas and New Years! Honestly, I was practically bursting with joy.

But when I proceeded to share this fantastic news with some of my other friends, they actually insulted me. Well, him, which in turn insults me.
The worst part is, now that I'm single again, there are major conflicts! The teens keep trying to set me up with some random guy (who I'm sure is very nice), while the twenty-somethings are trying to get me to 'live it up' and love the swinging singles life.

What's wrong with having older friends? Is there something wrong with me, that I find myself in the company of older people more often than my own age? I still like hanging out with the high school kids, but when I'm with them, I'm awkward and out of place; a lot. So when I do find people I'm comfortable with, why do I feel guilty? I end up separating my groups of friends, and therefore separating my life.

How do I fix it?

I talk to Me and Myself

Mood: mellow
Hating: stupid ISU assignments from school
Loving: that I only have two more days of school!
Currently lip-syncing : All Time Low -- Umbrella
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y25SgIwy2BE


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Okay, so I feel like an explanation is in order.
Every time I blog something, it signs my name as, "I." I promise I'm not a self-indulgent, egotistical little person.

I'm currently taking a grade 12 Core French class at my school. With not a whole whack of students interested in taking languages, there is a grand total of 13 students in our class. On top of that, we tend to get into heated discussions about anything from current events, social issues and the like.

A few weeks ago, three of us in this class decided that instead of struggling through debates in a melange of broken french and English, we would start a blog instead!
Go check it out:
http://www.thethreemes.blogspot.com/


Trying to figure out an appropriate name for our blog, we came up with, "Me, Myself and I". And you've guessed it, I am "I." My two other friends are Me and Myself.



That is where most of my posts go, even though I'm not even close to being an avid blogger. With the weight of school, university applications and the holidays approaching, I don't have a lot of spare time. But with this post, I'm hoping y'all will go check out some of the issues that my friends and I are discussing lately, and even join in!

The City and the Ghost

Tonight I need the bright lights
Still got his face on my mind
Headed where the talk is cheap and I'm dressed to a "tee"
So they won't noticed me

Well, it's warm for December
And I got the windows down
The skyline whispers the same lie each night

But I force myself to believe...

And I swore it'd be different
But how could it be?
What I came to escape is right here inside of me

The city's a desert with photographic stars
Each pretty face is just a mirage
My mouth's full of sand again

But I force myself to believe...
Across the river's a cure for what's sick inside of me

And I swore it'd be different
But how could it be?
What I came to escape is right here inside of me
And I swore it'd be different but how could it be?
What I came to escape is right here inside of me

I look in the mirror past the buildings
The sky's getting light
Another piece of my innocence is the admission I paid there tonight
I slow down when I pass his exit
What am I doing?
It makes me sick
And I imagine him saying,
"You're better than this...You're better than this."

And I swore it'd be different but how could it be?
What I came here to escape is right here inside of me
And I swore it'd be different but how could it be?
What I came to escape is right here inside of me

And I swore it'd be different...

Just Say That Everything Will Be Alright...

It's 2.00am, and I'm sitting crossed-legged on my bed. Again. Yes, I am one of the many unfortunate few diagnosed with sleep rhythm reversal, a type of insomnia. What this condition translates to is that I'm wide awake at night, and end up catching a couple of hours during the day every once in awhile to survive. I'm pretty sure most of my posts will be at night...

Oftentimes, this is when I find myself writing, because that's honestly when the best ideas come to me. You'd be surprised at the brilliance that can emerge while staring at a white ceiling. But tonight, I find my thoughts drifting. I can't seem to focus enough to write anything of substance. Normally, I would call him during times like these. Times when I'm bored, exhausted or just confused. When the creative flows stops. I actually found myself reaching for the phone before I froze. I knew that breaking up was going to be hard, but the past week has been pretty brutal. Technically, it's been two, but with one week filled with late night rehearsals for a drama production, I didn't really have a chance to miss him. Now I do.

I don't really tell people about my relationships, or the way I'm feeling about a certain guy. It just gets too messy. I tend to keep my life separate: friends, work, school, boyfriend. Sometimes they mix, most often they don't. The boyfriend never really meets the friends. If they meet the guy, that's how they know I'm serious. It doesn't happen a lot either. As much as I love my friends, I don't really want the boyfriend and them to meet. It reduces the pressure on both parties, I think. Part of it may also come from hanging out with my close guy friends too much; they just scare every potential away. But now, I wish that it was different, because it would give me a chance to vent to someone. Or at least have someone to keep me company.

It's snowing outside. Beautifully, I may add. Explains the random image now, doesn't it? I love the snow, and winter. Such a shame that winter is associated with death and the like. Perhaps it's fitting; the end of a relationship? But I'd rather not think about it that way.
Maybe it's the music I'm listening to. I love music. Music inspires. Just right now, not in the best way. I think I'll write a story based on this song though. But here's the title credit for this blog.


Make Me Believe by Tupelo Honey

Tell me that there's more
Tell me who's worth fighting for
You are
Everything I know
Everything that matters
You can make this easy
Believe me

At the perfect moment
Just say that everything will be alright

Make me believe
Lie if you have to
Stay here forever
Tell me this won't end
Make me believe
Know that I need you
Don't leave me alone here
This doesn't have to end, this doesn't have to end

For what it's worth, I tried
For what it's worth, it mattered to me
You can't be replaced
You're not just another face
You can make this easy
Believe me

At the perfect moment
Just say that everything will be alright

Waiting, frustrating
But I can't let you go
I just need you to know
Waiting, I'm breaking down
But I can't let you go
I just need you to know...
For what it's worth, I tried
For what it's worth, it mattered to me...

Make me believe
Lie if you have to
Stay here forever
Tell me this won't end
Make me believe
Know that I need you
Don't leave me alone here
This doesn't have to end, this doesn't have to end.
Make me believe
Lie if you have to
Stay here forever
Tell me this won't end.