Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Mood:  meh.
Hating:  my jobs.
Loving:  alcohol.


What made the beauty of the moon? / And the beauty of the sea? / Did that beauty make you? / Did that beauty make me? / Will that make me something? / Will I be something? / Am I something?

And the answer comes: Already am, always was, and I still have time to be.

-- Anis Mojgani’s, “Here Am I”

Saturday, June 25, 2011

Memories Won't Let You Cry

Mood:  exhausted.
Hating:  how I'm so tired and have no life because I'm working so much.
Loving:  sleep; wish I could get more...
Lip-syncing:  Avenged Sevenfold -- M.I.A

The Evolution of Love.

"Have you ever been in love with the memory of something?

Failing to see that what truly exists now is nothing like the memory. That is, the definition; what defined that person you envision ceases to exist yet you still force yourself to perceive it.

There is no perception without sensation. Perception without sensation is mere delusion.

Even when you see through it, you convince yourself there is still hope that the memory can be relived. When that moment comes that’s when you know someone has taken a piece of you with them when they leave you.

That’s how you know. When you realize that you spend more time trying to convince yourself, than living.. thats when you’ve  not only lost the person you so crave, but you’ve lost yourself. You want to hold on to them but you cant and you know that they have so much of you and you wont get it back.

People try so hard to turn back time.

But even a mere moment, a split second can be definitive and irreversible. Some things can never be replaced or fixed. But this is difficult for the human mind to take in. It is difficult for the human mind to grasp something as non-linear as loss.

We are too fixated on the constant.

When you fall in love with someone and that someone falls in love with you the only thing you can control is how you feel. We have no power over the other person and you cant and wont be able to control when they fall out of love with you.

This is a risk we take when we fall in love. There is a fear of becoming so enveloped in someone that we don’t even know who we are anymore. People are so powerless when it comes to love. All we can control is how much we hurt ourselves and others and how much we take out of life.

We can control deceit and truthfulness

We all have the power to control what projects from within ourselves. We control negative things and positive things we choose and resist to put into the world. We cannot control the negative and positive things that come from others. We may influence them but we do not dictate certain outcomes.

But we can’t really control love

Falling in love— its the one thing that simply happens. It’s the riskiest thing any human being could do, but the greatest thing anyone could feel. It is what lifts you up and makes you see the light in every darkened room.

Never let the memories die. Just don’t let the memories overtake you and distort the reality and possible beauty that lives beyond that once existent love.

I’ve loved and lost and thought the only thing I’d ever want was the faint memory of a past I once had. Now I know I can love another and not only love but be loved in return. The way I feel now is too powerful for words. When they aren’t there I don’t hope they are thinking about me. I know they are. I don’t have to worry that they care, I simply know. When they leave I think about the next time I’ll see them and count down the hours, minutes and seconds.

The greatest test of someone’s love for you is that look in their eyes when they see you the very next morning with your eyes all hazy and your hair all messy —that moment when their eyes smile at you and cannot seem to look away. When you simply see the person you love breathing calmly into the warmth of a summer night and all you feel is euphoria that’s when you know.

Now I know.

I hope you know who you are and I hope you know how much you matter. For you, are worth every risk. You are worth every ounce of uncertainty that comes with falling in love.

You are the light."