Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Such Simple Miracles

Mood:  content.
Loving:  the little things.
Lip-syncing:  Kevin Devine -- You Are the Daybreak


So this blog is mostly a glimpse of the insanity that resides within my head. But after reading a comment on my last entry, I realized I actually to tend to post a lot when I'm upset. And I think that happens with a lot of people. But for once, let me share some good news.

The past few weeks have been incredibly hectic for me. Finishing exams rather early, I've been working ridiculous hours at my retail job (I found out it's actually NOT illegal for a part-timer to work 41 hours in one week...huh). Understandable, of course, since it is the busiest time of year. Except for the fact that it makes me absolutely miserable. I constantly found myself irritable and angry for what little downtime I did end up having. Which, I think is safe to say, no way to spend your time.

And so, I have finally worked up the courage to quit.

This isn't to say there were no perks at this place, of course. I've befriended a couple of the folks I work with, mostly those who share the same dry, inappropriate humour that I do. They make my shifts more bearable. So I extend a heartfelt thank you to those few individuals for their camaraderie. They're such wonderful people, and I hope we can continue our awkward all-you-can-eat sushi get togethers and dark hilarity.

I have to say, I do feel guilty for leaving these friends in such a place, at such a time. Yet I also feel a sense of relief, despite the opinions some people are sharing about my decision. It's not as though I don't have another job; I was offered a cashier/serving job at a small Mediterranean place closer to my house. I'll still be able to afford my tuition, since I'm getting paid the same rate here too.

It was a complicated endeavor, quitting just in the middle of the holidays. Let me tell you, it was a battle and a half. When I first tried to hand in my two weeks, my manager wouldn't accept it. Kind of funny, now that I think back on it. Throughout the past two weeks, it's been quite the effort to get my point across that I will not be working there past Christmas Eve. I suppose it's flattering, to a degree, to have someone want you to stay at a company that badly. And truth be told, I considered it. As a nineteen year old trying to pay her own way through university, the thought of having the money from two jobs was kind of appealing. But, even though I do some pretty questionable things, my insanity doesn't quite allow me to think of balancing two jobs AND go to school full-time. I'm not sure anyone truly can.

I haven't been able to enjoy the holidays for awhile. Working since the age of sixteen, I've grown to dislike the craziness of holidays, always worrying about my hours and what not. This year, I'm going to do my best. Even though I haven't put up a tree yet, I think this Christmas is going to go down in my books as one of the best. And I'm starting my New Years resolution early. 

Life is always a balancing act. And in retrospect, I haven't done the greatest job. My priorities tend to be skewed, with me throwing 110% towards one aspect and ignoring or failing at the others. And I like to think this is a step in the first direction, my first truly measured and mature decision. Why should I stay someplace I was growing to hate? It's so easy for poison, for resentment and anger to seep into your life, and it's so much harder to get rid of.

But I'm going to try.

Merry Christmas. Whether you celebrate it, or something else, I wish you all the best this holiday season. I hope you stop to smell the roses, smile and laugh with your friends and family, and move forward with your goals. And of course, Happy New Year. May this blog become a brighter, happier reflection of life to come.

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