Just Say That Everything Will Be Alright...

It's 2.00am, and I'm sitting crossed-legged on my bed. Again. Yes, I am one of the many unfortunate few diagnosed with sleep rhythm reversal, a type of insomnia. What this condition translates to is that I'm wide awake at night, and end up catching a couple of hours during the day every once in awhile to survive. I'm pretty sure most of my posts will be at night...

Oftentimes, this is when I find myself writing, because that's honestly when the best ideas come to me. You'd be surprised at the brilliance that can emerge while staring at a white ceiling. But tonight, I find my thoughts drifting. I can't seem to focus enough to write anything of substance. Normally, I would call him during times like these. Times when I'm bored, exhausted or just confused. When the creative flows stops. I actually found myself reaching for the phone before I froze. I knew that breaking up was going to be hard, but the past week has been pretty brutal. Technically, it's been two, but with one week filled with late night rehearsals for a drama production, I didn't really have a chance to miss him. Now I do.

I don't really tell people about my relationships, or the way I'm feeling about a certain guy. It just gets too messy. I tend to keep my life separate: friends, work, school, boyfriend. Sometimes they mix, most often they don't. The boyfriend never really meets the friends. If they meet the guy, that's how they know I'm serious. It doesn't happen a lot either. As much as I love my friends, I don't really want the boyfriend and them to meet. It reduces the pressure on both parties, I think. Part of it may also come from hanging out with my close guy friends too much; they just scare every potential away. But now, I wish that it was different, because it would give me a chance to vent to someone. Or at least have someone to keep me company.

It's snowing outside. Beautifully, I may add. Explains the random image now, doesn't it? I love the snow, and winter. Such a shame that winter is associated with death and the like. Perhaps it's fitting; the end of a relationship? But I'd rather not think about it that way.
Maybe it's the music I'm listening to. I love music. Music inspires. Just right now, not in the best way. I think I'll write a story based on this song though. But here's the title credit for this blog.


Make Me Believe by Tupelo Honey

Tell me that there's more
Tell me who's worth fighting for
You are
Everything I know
Everything that matters
You can make this easy
Believe me

At the perfect moment
Just say that everything will be alright

Make me believe
Lie if you have to
Stay here forever
Tell me this won't end
Make me believe
Know that I need you
Don't leave me alone here
This doesn't have to end, this doesn't have to end

For what it's worth, I tried
For what it's worth, it mattered to me
You can't be replaced
You're not just another face
You can make this easy
Believe me

At the perfect moment
Just say that everything will be alright

Waiting, frustrating
But I can't let you go
I just need you to know
Waiting, I'm breaking down
But I can't let you go
I just need you to know...
For what it's worth, I tried
For what it's worth, it mattered to me...

Make me believe
Lie if you have to
Stay here forever
Tell me this won't end
Make me believe
Know that I need you
Don't leave me alone here
This doesn't have to end, this doesn't have to end.
Make me believe
Lie if you have to
Stay here forever
Tell me this won't end.