Thursday, December 18, 2008

Three Days No Sleeping...

Mood: exhausted and confused
Hating: that I was suddenly hit with a bout of nausea today (that has yet to diminish) accompanied by unexplained shaking...
Loving: that one of my best friends is coming home in FOUR days! Christmas is in ONE WEEK!
Currently lip-syncing: Nickelback -- Just to Get High


I've actually been wondering about something for the past little while...

I know a lot of people. If you're thinking, "Wow, talk about prideful or what?" I promise I have a point. What I'm getting at, is that I know a lot of people, but I don't really call a lot of them friends. I've known some people since the age of 3, and grown up with a lot more, yet I only have a very small group of close friends. Although I have one or two who live around my area, most of the unfortunately have moved out and gone one with their lives. Not to say that we don't keep in touch, because we do, but...
For example, I have this one group of friends who moved out to Colorado after they graduated. They now own a tattoo/piercing shop, and are pretty successful. I just visited them this past summer to see how they were doing. Plus, the boyfriend of one of my friends called (long distance too!) to ask me to fly out so he could propose to her.

I tend to hang out with older people. I'm not really sure why, but I just find myself more comfortable around them. It's not that I don't have friends my age, it's just that I don't really spend a lot of time with them outside of school. When I'm not in my lovely education institution (please note the sarcasm), I find my time being occupied by work, volunteer responsibilities, or these older friends.
And my school friends are starting to get annoyed. They always want to go out, see a movie, grab dinner; that sort of thing. I know they've been taking my rejections in good humour, but lately they've been starting to get irritated. On top of that, they're always teasing about the fact that I hang out with older people; and more importantly (apparently) I date older guys.
"Hey, it's a senior citizen. Quick Kris, go catch your husband in the 10 minutes it takes him to cross the street!" Or something of the like.
I know they're not intentionally trying to hurt me, but sometimes it gets really annoying.

One of my best friends is coming home soon. I haven't seen him in over a year and half, and have barely gotten the chance to talk to him during the absence. With conflicting schedules and time zone differences, it's hard.
He's a weapons tech in the Navy. He's stationed in Halifax.
When he called me to tell me he would actually be able to come home for the holidays, I was ecstatic! I'm excited anytime that he's able to come home, but he's making it back in time for Christmas and New Years! Honestly, I was practically bursting with joy.

But when I proceeded to share this fantastic news with some of my other friends, they actually insulted me. Well, him, which in turn insults me.
The worst part is, now that I'm single again, there are major conflicts! The teens keep trying to set me up with some random guy (who I'm sure is very nice), while the twenty-somethings are trying to get me to 'live it up' and love the swinging singles life.

What's wrong with having older friends? Is there something wrong with me, that I find myself in the company of older people more often than my own age? I still like hanging out with the high school kids, but when I'm with them, I'm awkward and out of place; a lot. So when I do find people I'm comfortable with, why do I feel guilty? I end up separating my groups of friends, and therefore separating my life.

How do I fix it?

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